One Is Silver And The Other Is Gold

Last week, I met with an old friend from high school. It had been five years since the last time we spoke, and it seemed like no time had passed at all. Our friendship picked up exactly where we left off. The same happened two years ago with another friend, and we are tighter now than we have ever been. It brings to mind an aphorism I once heard, "true friendship is not measure by how much time you spend with each other, but by being apart, and coming together like no time has passed."

This couldn't be more accurate, but there's more to true friendship than being separated and then reuniting. It's about who you're excited to see and talk to. In high school, a friend is someone you hang out with, but I've learned that you don't to have an excess amount of time with someone in order to call them a friend. For example, Scott* is someone that I only saw on the way to class, each of us pausing for a only a minute during our busy say to say hey. We'd invite each other to do thing over the weekend, but we never did. We also never held that against one another. Four years later, I looked forward to running into Scott and telling him the latest news in my life.

Scott also liked to listen, which brings me to another point. A friend will hear what you say and remember it. Another friend of mine forgets everything I've told him, and I've reached the point where I tell him very little, because I know he'll never remember the next time we talk. As a result, I'm not as eager to see him, and when we do get together, we have long moments of awkward silence.

Of course, short of listing all the way that someone can be a good friend, versus how someone can be a bad friend, there's no real guideline. A friendship is what you make of it. If you have a friend who you see multiple times a week, but can't hold to the plans that have been made, what does that say for the relationship itself? Then compare that friend to someone you only see a few times a year, but values what time you do have together; who is the better companion?

To treat someone the way you want to be treated in an age-old criterion that everyone would do well to remember. It's a standard that portrays to your peers the level of respect you demand. If a friend can't live up to that expectation, what is there to salvage? This answer varies depending on who you ask, and who is being judged. Each person is different, as is each relationship, and it's difficult to put any sort of label on it. Regardless, a friendship, good or bad, is only what you determine it to be.

*Name has been changed